Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
The beers last night were like the tears from god
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
