May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
