So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
