Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
