My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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