Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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