I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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