Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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