wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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