I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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