i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
