Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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