i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
