I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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