Plan B is the new Plan A
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
