i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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