Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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