Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
