Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
