Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
