kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize