are you still at the devil's house?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
