How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize