If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
