we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
