I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize