You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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