I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
