i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
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