If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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