Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize