Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
