I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
