He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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