I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
