Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize