He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
