Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
