I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
