At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
