We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
