So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
