Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize