im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
