I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
