Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
