2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Randomize
