I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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