Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
