What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
