Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Dick very happy bro
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
