I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
