You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
