I accidentally had phone sex last night
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
