when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
