i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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