Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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