I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
