I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
