quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
