Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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