That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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