And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
