someone threw a dead crab at me
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize