Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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