Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Randomize
