Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
