barbara walters just said penis...
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
