i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
How does one acquire holy water?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
