Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
