If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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