He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
